Hello there! I am Mr. Sunshine! But my friends call me scum. I love cuddles, hugs, and snuggling. I am basically a big teddy bear. Just kidding, by the time I am done with you, the only thing that will be smiling is your throat.

Scum is a filmy layer of extraneous matter that rises to the surface of a body of water. Basically, scum floats to the top and hogs up all the Sun, like me! What a goof! You can call me Sunny Scummy if you like, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Like scum, I tend to rise above purity, and cast a shadow of absolute darkness down upon the screaming monkeys below. This is such a great and beautiful shit hole we live in. It's so nice to have a world filled with so many natural, beautiful, and inspiring creations, like disease, famine, AIDs, herpes, worms that live in peoples guts, wasps that lay eggs inside their paralized hosts, and giant asteroids that smear life across its own fucking dirt-ball planet. After all these millions of years of pain and chaos, it's nice to know things are still falling apart and bursting into flames.

Bye Bye

I set a few people on fire today. I know it was awesome wrong, but I could not stop myself. Hopefully they're dead, because they would go crying to their government to come and spank me. Fucking assholes... They think the Universe revolves around them. Fuck their little primate emotions. I did not do anything wrong to them. Evil isn't even real... just like Jesus. It is just made up bullshit that primates put in each others pants. They can shove their happy little sunshine feelings right back up their asses, right where they found them. I don't care if you're falling down some stairs, mowing the lawn, or getting molested during childhood. Welcome to the animal kingdom. You will eventually become another creatures pile of shit or turn back into the dirt it lays on. The End.

But right now, you're on top of the food chain. You're practically in Heaven right now. Move down one notch and a bear might be molesting your fucking organs. I bet your alcoholic father never did that did he? You fucking pussy. Your life is beautiful. You're lucky your not a poor little grass hopper, or any other of the billions of animals that have to worry about getting EATIN! Has any of the "evil" people that hurt you, ever try to fucking eat you?! I think not. You're a spoiled little bitch.

Necrosex And Cucumbers

Corpses are rather dry, so you have to spit on them to get inside. The nice thing about corpses, is that it's easier to pretend, like when you masturbate all by yourself. Even though you're fucking someone else, you're technically the only one in the room, so it's easy to fantasize. You can even glue a picture of your high school crush on its face and fuck it.

I personally like to violate my corpse with fresh cucumbers. Something about the thought of a beautiful girl dying and then having their body molested with a cucumber by some sick asshole piece of shit, turns me on. The thought of "My God, how the Hell did such a universe like this ever pop into existence in the first place, where such an event like this can physically take place", always gets me going. We live in a universe where you can die and your corpse will be fucked by a cucumber from Walmart, and no one will ever know. That is the Universe we live in. The Big Bang, stellar nucleosynthesis, supernova star dust, gravity, and biological evolution led to this!

God *****ed me underage

When I was a kid, God molested me while I was praying to him. I knew no one would believe me, so the molesting continued. Eventually I began to like it, and now I want to share it with everyone else, so that other victims chosen ones will be brave enough to come out with the truth. God is in fact molesting people on a global scale. However, it is a completely subjective experience, and can only be communicated to the less fortunate by bearing your testimony to them.

Some people that are very close minded and skeptical (like scientists), don't believe this is real. They are scared that they may not know everything. All they understand is what they can see. But there is a way to deal with them. They say science has disproved God and his magical hands. They say that it's "just not possible", because it would break some law of physics... God can break laws, so science cannot disprove him or his curious hands. Science does not know everything, they used to believe that the Earth was flat! But now you're crazy if you think it is flat.

Plus, if God didn't want to molest you, then why did he give so many of his creations genitals? He obviously likes genitals a lot. He sticks them on everything he creates, even bugs. And God loves sex. Sex runs this world, it runs the circle of life! God also invented homosexuals and bisexuals. He even created homosexual dogs. He is kinky for sure. He made humans and bonobo apes especially sexual, gay, and erotic, because of his strong attraction towards monkeys. So if you have a place where the Sun doesn't shine, then it's time to let his light in.

Suck Me Silly

I make jello out of babies feet. Don't judge me. This is not a crime. I pay my taxes. The jello is green, and very delicious. Babies are about as smart as cows anyways, so it's obviously ok to eat them. I am not a racist. Babies are fat and stupid too. Cows aren't inferior to them. They just don't have little cute fucking faces. And my tongue, with all it's little taste receptors, is much more important than lower lifeforms.

This message was brought to you by Baby Jesus. May your sins taste as good as my jello.

Happy Super Fucking Sunshine

Every one needs a little sunshine! I just want to let it in! Don't you want me to let it in? Don't you want me to let the sunshine in? You don't want to keep the sunshine out do you? Oh the god damn flowers. So colorful. So beautiful. Lets go water things and pick up broken glass off roads. Giveaway all your money! Stop buying ice cream, beer and 500 channels of cable television and help horrifically deformed and starving children instead. This feels good right? Right! Fuck..... You don't fucking hate sunshine do you?! You don't fucking hate it do you! Fuck! You fucking hate it don't you! You sick fuck!

Oh god.... I am going stuff a cute little fuzzy kitten in your dirty mouth, tape it completely shut, so you can feel it die in you, while I lick your naughty little face up and down and I rub alcohol on your genitals. If you still don't like the sunshine... Then I am going to open up your filthy legs, and tell you how much your god loves you over and over again, while I fuck all of your little worthless trash. If you still won't let the sunshine in... then... things are really going to get rough. But only because I love you. After I slap your bitch face around a few times, I am going to open you up just below your belly button, and make you beg your silly little fucking god to protect you, while I fuck your beautiful organs and sodomize your mouth with broken glass and rainbow sparkles. And then once I am finished, I'll rip your trashy carcass open and let the fucking sunshine in!

Long live the sunshine!

The Furry Ones

Have you ever heard of a furry? They're like vampires you know... They look human, but then, when the night comes along... they put on their cute little animal costumes, and transform into freakish sex animals, and fuck the hell out of each other.

They might even fuck you... if you're not careful. You might just be strolling along in some dark alley, minding your own business, and then all of the sudden, two bunny rabbits, a panda, and Winnie the fucking pooh are banging you like Swiss cheese.

Beware of the furry ones... by the time they are done with you, you'll either be left dripping wet in a fetal position, or spread out like a dirty mop after cleaning up a 2 day orgy.

God's Crayons

God was a little drunk when he banged the fabric of space-time and created our Universe. Understand? That's why Quantum Mechanics makes no sense. Your fancy science is obsolete. Religion wins. God had drunk sex and now there is a glitch in the Matrix. Haven't you ever wondered why your cousins, like fish and monkeys, are a little.... retarded? Not Evolution. Drunk sex. Case closed. Every life form on Earth is a bastard child with fetal alcohol syndrome. And that's why we're all so fucking stupid.


I have a rare disorder called pervits. It's kind of like turrets, except for instead of cussing, you spontaneously come under the impression that people around you have strange and/or erotic neurotic sexual fantasies. In extreme cases, you start to blurt them out uncontrollably.

For example. I saw a girl buying a bottle of shampoo at Best Buy the other day. It was almost closing time and when she squatted to take it from the shelf, I saw that she was wearing a black thong, so I knew she wasn't interested in paying for it with cash. She wanted a Best Buy Boy to ravage her from behind with her selected item, while another one grabs and jerks her hair from the front, twists her head around and spits down her throat while accusing her of being a dirty slut. It seemed so clear at the time. But in retrospect, I think it was probably just an episode of pervits

Earth Is Not Mindblowing

Do you see the hand of some guys god at work all around you? No? Neither do I. Birth and life doesn't amaze me. I am not captivated by it. I am not in awe. Bunnies and trees don't throw me into emotional bewilderment. The human mind doesn't impress me either. They constantly call each other stupid, so they can't really be all that impressed with it either.

Damn... I hate being so pessimistic. Sunshine! There's absolutely nothing wrong with giant piles of shit. Especially God's. God does actually exist, except for when I am angry, but other than that, his hands are everywhere.

Rape Revelation

Rape is beautiful. Nothing else lets you know what you really are, quite like rape. If you're not in pain, then you're really fucking drunk on bullshit right now. A few rapes will sober you right up. Then you can look at the world objectively, and see that you're just an animal with an asshole that talks too much. All you do is put clothes on, and play a little cute game called Civilization, until you finally die and shut the fuck up.

The truth is you're going to die and everyone that knew you or even so much as heard a whisper of you is going to die. And the entire UNIVERSE will forget all of your happiness and all of your pain. Now you might think, "But I got gang raped in my butthole everyday for 34 years after some motherfuckers invaded my village and kill my family. It can't all be for nothing?!!". Well... that's how the cookie crumbles bitch, welcome to Planet Earth.

diVine kniVes

La la la, it's fun for boys and girls, la la la. Fuck sitting on Santa's lap! Skip on over here, and slide under the knife, and tell the good doctor what power ranger you want to look like. Do the kids at school tease you and sodomize you with pencils? No worries. We can replace your genitals with an Xbox, and then all the kids will want to play with you! After school we can rip your throat out and toss in our new Jelly-slide Penis Gulper, so you can get the job you always dreamed of. What are you waiting for? We'll even let you choose what magic markers you want us to draw the incision lines on with. Let our knives rock your body today!



Are you lost?

What the fuck are you doing all the way down here? Go eat something, or take a shit, or have a baby, or whatever it is animals do. Fuck off.